A Father’s Love

The following story is completely fictional. Any similarities to a real story are purely accidental.

For being thrown together at the last minute – literally – this is one kickin’ party! The spread is just out of this world. There’s every type of beef imaginable. Succulent prime rib grilled to perfection. Juicy, barbecued short ribs. The thickest T-bone steaks anyone has ever seen. Even the basic hamburger patties are going on the grill. To go along with the incredible meat selection, there’s the usual cookout fare: cole slaw, potato salad, macaroni salad, watermelon. Oh, and the dessert! Where did all this food come from on such short notice? It’s amazing! And let’s talk about the music & dancing! The band is smokin’ with people dancing everywhere around the house!

Of course, after practically starving to death over the past few months, I would eat anything. No, seriously, I do mean anything. Just last week the slop I was feeding the pigs on a farm a few states away looked really good to me. It certainly wasn’t a moment of crowning glory for me, which became my “ah-ha” moment. I realized it was time to return home.

About a year ago, I went to my dad and asked him for my inheritance now – while he was still alive. It really wasn’t selfish on my part. Well, I guess it was. I used the reasoning that I was trying to avoid paying the government’s inheritance tax. Besides, I’m young, it was time to get out on my own and see what was out there away from my father’s massive estate on Long Island and my big, overbearing brother. To my surprise, Dad actually agreed! Yes! Sweet! Now it was time to say, “Adios! Hasta la vista, baby!”

I got as far as I possibly could from home – about 3000 miles. Found a beautiful house right on the beach and met some new friends. I did say I was young, right? My friends helped me spend money on all the latest electronics, on girls, expensive clothes, and threw all kinds of boozing parties. Now this is the life! Or so I thought at first. As it turns out, my choice in friends wasn’t the best decision I’ve ever made, but I didn’t know that right off the bat. Unfortunately, it took me too long to realize these “friends” only liked me for my money. Because once it was gone, they were gone.

And then tragedy hit. The largest typhoon in history destroyed everything within a 100 mile radius, including my beloved beach house; and it caused the cost of everything to skyrocket. I tried to get a job so I could pay for a new place and to buy food. But because I had no work history (who needed work when your dad is loaded?), no one would hire me. I couldn’t even get a job at McDonald’s, which is the lowest place on the totem pole of desirable places to work. Or at least I thought so. It was humiliating.

So I decided my next step was to hitchhike eastward, out of the typhoon stricken area, to see what kind of work I could find. With no real skills to speak of, I became a migrant worker. It was one of those hard knocks of life to discover that the only thing you’re good for is digging up potatoes or detasseling corn. But I kept moving on and eventually the only job I could find was feeding pigs on what seemed like the largest pig farm in the country. Oh the madness! Since I had finally hit bottom in my life – and I was already halfway home to my dad’s house – I decided I might as well complete the distance to the east coast.

This morning, as I began to enter the ritzy neighborhood of mansions and large estates, I’m sure there were millionaires who thought I was a thief. I looked – and felt – horrible! I was covered in torn, ratty clothes, and the ensemble was completed with a dirty, scruffy beard. I hadn’t had a bath or a shower in weeks so I know I smelled worse than the pigs I had been feeding a couple of weeks ago. Fortunately, no one called the cops on me! Before I knew it, I began walking up the long driveway to my childhood home. I felt ashamed and guilty, knowing my dad was going to be disappointed in me and would reject me. With my luck, he would be the one to call the authorities.

A noise caused me to raise my head up from looking at the ground to see someone running toward me. Could it be? Yes! It was my dad, running with his arms wide open. He nearly knocked me to the ground as he threw his arms around me. I was overwhelmed with this kind of homecoming. But why? I didn’t deserve this. And I certainly don’t deserve the huge party he’s throwing right now at this moment.

But he did it anyway. He commanded the estate staff to make the arrangements for the party he would give in my honor. Quickly, he ran up the stairs to his bedroom. When he came back down, he put his favorite and most valuable hat on my greasy, sweat-matted head of hair and gave me his own clothes for me to change into. This is what sent me over the edge. I just couldn’t control it any longer; the tears finally gushed down my cheeks. It was too overwhelming and humbling. Because of my stupidity and foolishness, I pleaded for my dad’s forgiveness and offered to become like one of his paid employees. His reply? “I missed you and am thrilled you have finally returned home. I will always love you no matter what, and you will always be my son.”

2014: The Year of Completion

The New Year has finally arrived and that means people all across America will be making New Years’ resolutions. Except me. In fact, I never make them. Why, you ask? Frankly, I just don’t believe in them. In my mind, they’re made only to be broken. Think about it. How many times have you resolved to lose weight, quit smoking, stop a bad habit, or start a good habit? And didn’t stick with it? According to statisticbrain.com, here are a few interesting statistics regarding New Year’s resolutions:

1. The number one resolution is to lose weight. (No surprise there!)
2. Of those who make resolutions, only 8% are successful at achieving them. (Wow!)
3. Only 46% of resolutions make it past the 6 month mark. (That’s better than I expected!)

(If you’re just dying to know more, you can check it out here: http://statisticbrain.com/new-years-resolution-statistics/)

Instead of making resolutions, some might make goals for the year. I did that once. “12 Goals in 2012” is what I creatively coined it. I even had them organized in three categories. Did I reach any of them? You bet your sweet bippie I did not reach a single one!

There are several reasons why I don’t reach goals very often, if at all. When I was younger, no one ever really talked to me about the idea of making goals, short term or long term. So I’m basically clueless of the best way to make them and the steps to get there. Another reason is there is something ingrained in me that prevents me from completing things, whether they are goals or projects. For example, right now I have the following things I have started and never finished: 3 books, 4 Bible studies, 4 cross stitch projects, a rocking chair to finish repairing, a ceiling fan to be installed, and a weight goal yet to be reached. Some of these things were started years ago. There’s even a blog entry I started writing but haven’t finished yet. How sad is that?! And please don’t tell me I’m the only one in this great big world who has this challenge.

Actually, I blame my dad for this negative trait in me. Don’t get me wrong. I loved my dad & there are many good traits I inherited from him – my sense of humor being one of them. But I noticed he would start projects and not finish them, including two big home improvement projects that are still unfinished to this day. Finishing a book, however, didn’t used to be an issue for me, so I’m surprised I have so many partially read books. I’m to blame for this one, though. I began the habit of starting another book before I was done reading one. I just can’t read more than one book at a time like some people, and at one time in my life I purposely didn’t read two books at a time – for that reason.

With knowing about this problem in my life, I have declared that 2014 is the Year of Completion. I am basically tired of not finishing things. In fact, it just downright irritates the heck out of me! That is why I am determined to FINALLY complete at least ONE thing from my above list. You see, I’ve come to realize that one reason why I fail at completing goals is I tend to make too many of them at one time (in addition to just taking my own sweet time). So for 2014 I’m basically making only one goal: to reach a goal. Yes, I’m strange like that! If I’m able to finish all of them, excellent! If I check off only a few, great! If not, that’s ok. As long as one of them is completed. Finito. Done. Checked off the list.

A very wise man advised me to make a list of the top 5 projects that would be the easiest to complete and build upon each one as they are finished. What a great idea!! (Now why didn’t I think of that?!) My list is made and I have already made progress. Yay me! It’s not checked off just yet, but it’s one step closer to being done. Just getting started jazzes me and inspires me to continue. However, I have to be careful. Another problem I have is being gung ho about something right off the bat but then I fizzle out along the way. My hope is that by declaring this as a year of completion, it will help me break through this wall of incompletion in my life.

Please don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying that goals or resolutions are pointless or futile. On the contrary! We must have something shoot for or we will just wander aimlessly in our lives. Make your resolutions. Make your goals. And go for it!

What goals or resolutions have you made for 2014? Let’s make it happen!

The Big Fight: Stubbornness vs. Determination

I’ve realized something about myself lately. I’m pretty stubborn. Obstinate. Bullheaded. Strong-willed. Pigheaded. Headstrong. Thick-headed. (Feel free to include your own synonym here.) This really wasn’t a “light bulb over the head” moment for me since I’ve always been this way. According to our family heritage, it comes with the territory. “You’re bullheaded just like your daddy.” Lately, though, it seems to be getting worse. So I’m going to blame it on getting older. Gotta blame it on something, right?

And now a fight has begun within me between stubbornness and determination. Some may say they’re pretty similar so how could a fight be happening. Well, I’m about to enlighten you with the differences…

STUBBORNNESS…
You see, I feel like the Lord wants to do some work in my life – something deep. But I’m being stubborn and not letting Him do what He wants. I know I’m being stubborn, because there are certain actions I need to take and frankly, I just plain don’t want to do them. I’m basically putting up a fight. Why, you ask? Haven’t got a clue. Wait, that’s not entirely true. If I had to be honest with myself – and we rarely are – it would be fear. Because when the Lord gets into our stuff, it can be painful and usually requires some changes on our part.

Do you remember as a child when your mom asked you to do something? It was probably something like cleaning your room or washing the dishes. And remember what you most likely did? At least if you’re like most kids! Me? I would say, “Yeah, in a minute.” After about 30 or so of those minutes, I would finally hear this, “Daddy, get after Pam to do the dishes!” Okay…so that was the fire needed under my backside to get my lazy body to make its way to the kitchen!

That’s pretty much what I’ve been doing lately. “I’ll start that tomorrow, Lord.” Or “I know, I know, I’ll do it. Eventually. When I feel like it.” Thankfully, His patience is much longer than Mom’s! In fact, it’s never-ending. Now before you begin to judge me, you need to know that I am very aware of this problem in my life and am working on it. See, stubbornness typically has a negative connotation. It usually rears its ugly head when we want to buck the system. In fact, it’s a sign of rebellion. Determination, on the other hand, has a more positive connotation.

DETERMINATION…
Determination is when you set your mind to accomplish something. You have a resolve or a purpose in mind. Even though I’m being stubborn and fighting against the Lord, I’m also determined to push through this. Let’s go back to our childhoods again. Do you remember a time when you set your mind on something you really wanted to do? For me, I wanted to play the clarinet in fifth grade. (Yes, I was strange child!) There was a deadline to sign up to get your instrument and schedule lessons, and I knew exactly when that deadline was. I had so much resolve that I nagged and nagged and even begged my mom to sign me up before we missed the deadline. Without that determination I would not have spent seven years in band.

Now here’s a paradox for you: I am determined to be less stubborn. I really don’t like being – nor do I want to be – rebellious against God. It never ends well. Just look at the multitude of rebellious people in the Bible and how they ended up! Nope. I do not want to be like them! With that in mind, I have determined in my heart that I WILL work towards submitting to God and allowing Him to do what He wants, when He wants, and where He wants – no matter how painful it is or how much I have to give up. The same philosophy or approach to living a healthy lifestyle, applies here: I will need to take it one small step at a time. When small steps are taken, life changes take on a more permanent hold in our lives.

TO SUM IT ALL UP…
Being the information junkie I can be, I looked up the definitions on dictionary.com. They state stubborn as this: “unreasonably obstinate, obstinately unmoving” and “hard, tough, or stiff, as stone or wood; difficult to shape or work.” Wow…that pretty much describes me! The ironic thing is that when we are hard or stiff, it becomes more painful for us when the Lord attempts to shape our lives. Ouch! Determination, on the other hand, was defined as this: “the act of coming to a decision or of fixing or settling a purpose.” Oh yeah! That’s the attitude I want to have. Not just with this one situation, but every day. Even as I write this, I can feel some stubborn determination (like the use of an oxymoron?) rising up within me. I believe that if I am determined to eradicate (or at least minimize) this stubbornness in my life, then I will be able to overcome it so that the Lord can have His way in my life. That’s what determination allows us to do – accomplish what we put our minds to.

My Least Favorite Jobs

For some unknown reason, recently I was reflecting back on the many varieties of jobs I’ve had. Throughout my life, I have had some of the most unique – and just plain quirky – job experiences out there. Would you believe that I once cleaned a house? That may not sound weird to you, but for a self-proclaimed “organized slob” who hates to clean, actually cleaned a house for a short time. And let’s not forget the time I attempted to be a vacuum cleaner salesman. Oops…excuse me – a salesWOMAN. (Or is it salesperson?) Don’t ask me why I bothered with that job. I’m a terrible salesperson! Both of those were while I was in college, and obviously I was desperate. But despite these two odd jobs, they don’t even rank as the top two worst jobs I have ever had. Those are the ones I want to entertain you with today.

#1: Detasseling Corn

That’s right. You read that correctly. I can see your eyebrows furrowed together with the confused expression on your face and “what in the world is that?” scrolling across your brain. Don’t feel bad. Ninety percent of America doesn’t know about the Midwest’s biggest kept secret. It’s so unusual that my spell checker doesn’t even provide an alternate word for “detasseling”! So let me enlighten you…

Every summer thousands of people (mostly teenagers and adults desperate for income) load up on a bus at 6 a.m. just to have the privilege of walking through cornfields, pulling the tassels out of the cornstalks. The tassels are those wheat-like looking things you see blooming out of the top (like what’s shown in the picture above). The purpose of this is so the plants don’t pollinate. The reason? I don’t have a clue because I don’t remember. However, I searched the internet and believe it or not, Wikipedia has an article about it. So if you’re really interested in case you ever plan on being a Jeopardy contestant (and I can understand if you don’t care), you can read all about it here. But here is an excerpt I found funny: Detasseling work is usually performed by teens; as such, it serves as a typical rite of passage in rural areas of the Corn Belt of the Midwestern United States. For many teens in these areas it is their first job. “Rite of passage”? Who are they kidding?!

This job is done in pouring rain and in the hottest of conditions. The bus would return anywhere between 4 and 5 p.m. Despite the summer heat, it was always a good idea to wear long sleeves; because I would come home with scratches all over my arms, filthy, exhausted, and sore. You would think that after being tortured for one summer, I never did it again. Wrong! I was just dumb enough – and desperate enough – to do it again for a second summer. The difference for the second summer, however, was a different company who treated the employees just a tad bit better.

#2 Food Demonstrator

Yes, I was one of those people who stood in a store, offering free samples to complete strangers. Remember my comment about not being a good salesperson? Well…this job was just plain horrible. Being shy by nature (and the shyness was worse then than it is now), it was challenging for me to greet customers let alone ask them if they wanted to sample something they didn’t come into the store to buy. I was also that annoying voice over the intercom, “Attention customers! Stop by the cheese section to sample Kroger’s in-store made pizza. They’re on sale today, 2 for $5. Thank you for shopping Kroger.” Oh, the humiliation! And I can tell you from experience that in-store made pizzas were not that great, and pawning free samples off onto unsuspecting customers did not increase sales. The only fun part of this job was actually making the pizzas to put out for sale. But it wasn’t just pizza that I would paste a fake smile on my face in an attempt to sell the goods. I also had to provide cheese samples. Have I mentioned I was desperate for a job?

On the upside, I have had many jobs that I enjoyed and didn’t regret. I spent many years of my life waitressing (which helped me get over quite a bit of my shyness) and I enjoyed it. But one of my favorite jobs was working for a scenic railroad on Cape Cod. Besides the fact it was just plain fun since I grew up with trains and love them, I felt like I had followed in my dad’s footsteps by working for a railroad. And of course, I absolutely love doing what I’m doing right now: serving as an assistant pastor. What makes it great is the pastor and pastoral staff I work with as well as the loving people I serve. (A little brownnosing never hurt anyone!)

So what was the worst job you’ve ever had?

Keys for the Journey – Part 2

The time has come to reveal the final four keys to healthiness that I have discovered. Sure hope no one has held their breath while waiting! Just to recap last week’s blog, the first four keys are: 1) a mental or attitude change, 2) find healthy eating habits that fit you, 3) don’t deprive yourself, and 4) portion control. Let me clarify that these keys are not exclusive to each other. I believe all of them together make one cohesive unit to living a healthy life. Ready? Here we go!

1. Try new things in both exercise and food, but don’t force yourself to do or eat things you absolutely hate. If you’ve never tried a certain fruit or vegetable, try it. You might just end up liking it. I tried kiwi once on a cruise and discovered I actually liked it. So I bought one when I returned from the trip, but it didn’t taste the same. I think it was the way I prepared it. Or maybe it just wasn’t ripe. Or maybe it was the atmosphere of being on a big boat in the middle of the ocean that made it taste good! I don’t care how nutritional something is, if you don’t like the taste or flavor of it – don’t force yourself to eat it. The same goes for exercise. I’m not a dancer by any stretch of the imagination, but I like to occasionally break it out in the privacy of my own home. So when I had FitTV on my satellite channel lineup, I decided to give a belly dancing workout a whirl. Oh my goodness! I got about 5 minutes into it and said, “Oh, I don’t think so!” My body just don’t move that way. It was fun, however, because I was doubled over laughing at myself! Find the types of exercise you enjoy. If it’s not fun, it won’t become a regular part of your schedule.
   

   Yep, that’s a silhouette of me.
   Yeah, right!

2. Don’t beat yourself up when you indulge or “fall off the wagon.” That’s right! It happens to all of us. Just enjoy the indulgence, and then get right back to the healthy stuff. I can remember one day somewhat recently when I didn’t just go off the deep end; I plain jumped off a huge cliff with what I ate! The challenge here is not allowing it to turn into two or more days of indulgences. I know. Easier said than done, but it CAN be done! If it does turn into several days of unhealthy decisions, then refer to the next key…
3. Start small and don’t rush things. Be patient with yourself. An impatient person myself, this one is hard for me. Being unhealthy didn’t happen overnight and neither will the transition to a healthy lifestyle. When small steps are taken, new habits are more likely to become permanent and you’re less likely to give up. And if you happen to backslide, fall of the wagon, or whatever you want to call it, starting small will help you get back to those new habits already formed.
4. Find a good support system. This is probably just as important as Key #1 (mental or attitude change). Have a few people who will encourage you, who you can go to when you want to give up. And trust me…you WILL want to give up. More than once! One time I went to Pastor Jim (my pastor, friend, & boss) and said I was about ready to give up on the whole healthy living thing. His response? “Don’t you dare!” It was almost like being slapped in the face since it was enough to knock some sense into me. The result? I’ve stuck with it. He helped remind me of the progress I’ve made and I’ve worked too hard for too long to just give it all up in a moment of frustration.

Now, I realize none of these eight keys is breaking news or even rocket science; they are just those things that I’ve discovered works well for me. Because they have helped me along the way on my journey to a healthier lifestyle, I hope they will help you too.