“I swear, it wasn’t me.” The bloody carcass of the neighbor’s prissy Shih Tzu lay unmoving in my driveway. Sure, that yelping ball of fur tore up my daffodils, but I’m not so vindictive that I would go after it with my car.
“How can you lie to my face like that? Your tires are splattered with its blood!”
I shook my head. Where did she get the energy to scream at full power? I’d love to know her secret. My own energy level had been missing in action for several months.
That dog was useless. It had finally pushed me to the edge. This morning it was yapping at me nonstop while I was replanting my ruined flower bed. My only regret was that I hadn’t run over it sooner. And now that I’m on the receiving end of Joanie’s wrath, it’s too bad she hadn’t been on the other end of the dog’s leash.
“I’m not lying. I’ve been inside all day cleaning.” I knew I couldn’t convince her of my innocence when she was out of her mind with grief. “I’m sorry about your dog, but I’m not responsible.” I couldn’t continue to face her, so I turned and walked into the house.
I couldn’t take any more of Joanie’s hysteria. Overly emotional women make me want to go on a homicidal rampage. They’re weak for not being able to control themselves or their hormones.
Inside, I had my own emotional breakdown. Crying in front of Joanie would show my own weakness and sorrow at the loss of life, and I couldn’t let her see me cry. I collapsed on the couch and buried my face in my hands, allowing my tears to flow like Niagara Falls.
A few minutes later, Erick sat down next to me. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” My husband wrapped his arm around my shoulders, enveloping me into his chest.
“Joanie’s dog is dead, and she claims I did it. It may look that way, but I didn’t do it. I would’ve remembered such a vicious act.”
“I’m sorry her accusation hurts.” He paused and pushed a chunk of hair out of my face. “Well, you haven’t quite been yourself lately. Just the other day, you didn’t remember yelling at me for opening the wrong end of a bag of chips. That was so unlike you. You just turned fifty, which can cause undue stress. Remember when I had a mid-life crisis a few years ago? I wanted to quit my job and become a vagabond traveling the country.”
The memory made me smile. “Yeah, if it weren’t for me talking sense into you, you’d now be out in the boondocks somewhere.” Both of us chuckled. Erick always had a way to cheer me up. “I will admit, at times I feel like I have two personalities and even hear another voice in my head, but I swear I’m not crazy.”
“I know you’re not, Sweetheart. I’m sure it’s just a mid-life crisis that will pass.”
That’s right. It’ll pass. Right after I’m admitted to a psych ward.
I sat straight up and glared at my husband, “Oh no…it’s The Change.”
Erick fixed his bright green eyes on me as I gasped in horror.
“I AM a murderer!”